Two Loves

Question: 

What's your favorite Bible verse about love?

Answer: 

John 15:13Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

This verse is very interesting because it contains two different Greek words translated as “love” neither of which mean what you probably mean by “love”. The point of the verse is that it applies one type of love to another. In this verse, the two words are translated differently, as “love” and “friends”, but you cannot see these difference in most verses, where the verb forms are usually translated as “to love.” These verb forms as agapao (ἀγάπην) and phileo (φιλεῖ ).

Unlike the English word, “love”, both of these words express a type of relationship, not an emotional state. Neither of these words describes passionate love. That is another Greek word, eros, which is never used in the Bible. The two words that are used compare people’s relationships. See more about “hate” in the answer to this Quora question: Did Jesus say to hate your parents? Would he agree with respecting elders?

If we want to avoid confusion, the best way to translate agapao is in terms of caring. When we care for other, we are acting out of agapao. However, there is a sense of duty associated with agape. Your relationship with the person requires that you care for them, thus, a husband caring for a wife, a wife for a husband, and both for their children. This is a relative term because you have more “duty” toward your immediate family, for example, than you do more distant relationships. The first “love” in the verse above is “agape.

Phileo is "love" in the sense of "liking" someone. The sense is that you prefer to be with them and prefer to spend time with them because you get along. We can have agape for someone, for example, our mother-in-law, in the sense of "caring" for them, without having a feeling that you want to spend time with them. Those you like are not necessarily your friends, like we use the term today, but our friends are almost always people you like.

So, in reading other answers to your question, you should ask: which type of “love” is being referred to here?

For more about Jesus’s use of the word, you can read this article.