Christ Speaking -- Matthew

This list shows the "spoken version" of each verse of Christ's words in Matthew. It adds interactions with audiences, pauses, and other interactions you would see in a spoken presentation. The word order follows the order of the original Greek much more closely than other English so that the humor works correctly, especially the punch lines. This work is being done as part of a new version capturing the Gospel of Matthew from a different perspective.
Matthew 21:33 Hear another parable: There was a certain landowner who planted...
Matthew 23:5 But all their works are done to be seen by men:
Matthew 22:4 Again, he sent forth other servants,
Matthew 17:23 And they shall kill him,
Matthew 14:31 O you of little faith,
Matthew 15:3 Why do you also transgress
Matthew 21:2 Go into the village across from you...
Matthew 17:7 Arise, and be not afraid.
Matthew 16:2 When it is evening, you say, fair weather:
Matthew 23:2 The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses' seat:
Matthew 18:3 ...Except you be converted,
Matthew 14:16 They need not depart; give them to eat.
Matthew 15:32 I have compassion on the multitude,
Matthew 16:28 There be some standing here who shall not taste of death
Matthew 18:10 Take heed that you despise not one of these little ones;
Matthew 22:21 Render therefore unto Caesar
Matthew 26:53 Did you think that I cannot now pray...
Matthew 22:32 I am the God of Abraham,
Matthew 15:4 For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father
Matthew 15:34 How many loaves do you have?
Matthew 18:11 For the Son of man is come to save that which was lost.
Matthew 21:21 Truly I tell you, If you have faith...
Matthew 22:29 You err, not knowing the scriptures,
Matthew 20:12 Saying, These last have wrought but one hour
Matthew 22:38 This is the first and great commandment.
Matthew 15:5 But you say, Whoever shall says [to his] father
Matthew 17:9 Tell the vision to no man,
Matthew 18:12 What do you think? If a man has an hundred sheep,
Matthew 21:22 And all things, whatever you shall ask in prayer...
Matthew 22:30 For in the resurrection they neither marry,
Matthew 20:19 And shall deliver him to the Gentiles to mock,..
Matthew 22:40 On these two commandments hang all the law
Matthew 15:6 And he need not honor his father nor his mother.
Matthew 16:3 And in the morning, foul weather today:
Matthew 17:11 Elias truly shall first come
Matthew 18:13 And if it is that he finds it,
Matthew 21:27 Neither shall I tell you by what authority...
Matthew 22:31 But as touching the resurrection of the dead,
Matthew 23:3 All therefore whatever
Matthew 20:28 Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto,
Matthew 22:43 How then did David in spirit
Matthew 15:7 Ye hypocrites, well did Esaias prophesy of you,
Matthew 16:4 A wicked and adulterous generation seeks after a sign
Matthew 17:17 O faithless and perverse generation,
Matthew 18:14 Even so it is not the will of your Father
Matthew 22:37 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart,
Matthew 21:3 And if any man say ought unto you...
Matthew 22:44 The LORD said unto my Lord,
Matthew 15:11 That which goes into the mouth
Matthew 16:6 Take heed and beware of the leaven
Matthew 17:20 Because of your unbelief: for ...
Matthew 18:15 Moreover if your brother shall trespass against you,
Matthew 21:34 And when the time of the fruit drew near...
Matthew 22:42 What do you think of the Christ?
Matthew 21:30  And he came to the second, and said likewise
Matthew 22:45  If David then call him Lord,
Matthew 15:13 Every plant, which my heavenly Father
Matthew 16:8 Oh you of little faith, why reason
Matthew 17:21 But this kind goes not out except
Matthew 18:16 But if he will not hear [you, then]