Christ Speaking -- Matthew

This list shows the "spoken version" of each verse of Christ's words in Matthew. It adds interactions with audiences, pauses, and other interactions you would see in a spoken presentation. The word order follows the order of the original Greek much more closely than other English so that the humor works correctly, especially the punch lines. This work is being done as part of a new version capturing the Gospel of Matthew from a different perspective.
Matthew 14:31 O you of little faith,
Matthew 21:33 Hear another parable: There was a certain landowner who planted...
Matthew 22:4 Again, he sent forth other servants,
Matthew 23:5 But all their works are done to be seen by men:
Matthew 17:23 And they shall kill him,
Matthew 14:16 They need not depart; give them to eat.
Matthew 15:3 Why do you also transgress
Matthew 16:2 When it is evening, you say, fair weather:
Matthew 17:7 Arise, and be not afraid.
Matthew 18:3 ...Except you be converted,
Matthew 21:2 Go into the village across from you...
Matthew 23:2 The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses' seat:
Matthew 18:4 Whoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child,
Matthew 18:10 Take heed that you despise not one of these little ones;
Matthew 18:11 For the Son of man is come to save that which was lost.
Matthew 18:12 What do you think? If a man has an hundred sheep,
Matthew 18:13 And if it is that he finds it,
Matthew 18:14 Even so it is not the will of your Father
Matthew 18:15 Moreover if your brother shall trespass against you,
Matthew 18:16 But if he will not hear [you, then]
Matthew 18:17 And if he shall neglect to hear them,
Matthew 18:18 ...Whatsoever you shall bind on earth
Matthew 15:19 For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts,
Matthew 16:18 ...That thou art Peter,
Matthew 20:8 So when even was come, the lord of the vineyard...
Matthew 22:8 Then he said to his servants, The wedding is ready,
Matthew 23:11 But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant.
Matthew 22:32 I am the God of Abraham,
Matthew 13:44 Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a treasure
Matthew 15:20 These are [the things] which defile a man:
Matthew 16:19 And I will give to you the keys of the kingdom...
Matthew 20:11 And when they had received [it],
Matthew 22:11 And when the king came in to see the guests,
Matthew 23:12 And whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased;
Matthew 20:12 Saying, These last have wrought but one hour
Matthew 22:38 This is the first and great commandment.
Matthew 15:24 I am not sent but unto the lost sheep
Matthew 16:25 For whoever will save his life shall lose it:
Matthew 20:13 But he answered one of them, and said, Friend,
Matthew 22:13 Then the king said to the servants,
Matthew 23:13 But woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!
Matthew 20:19 And shall deliver him to the Gentiles to mock,..
Matthew 22:40 On these two commandments hang all the law
Matthew 14:18 Bring them here to me.
Matthew 15:26 It is not good to take the children's bread
Matthew 16:26 For what is a man profited,
Matthew 20:14 Take yours and go your way:
Matthew 22:14 For many are called, but few are chosen.
Matthew 23:15 Woe unto you...for you compass sea and land to make one proselyte
Matthew 20:28 Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto,
Matthew 22:43 How then did David in spirit
Matthew 15:28 O woman, great [is] your faith:...
Matthew 16:27 For the Son of man shall come
Matthew 20:18 Behold, we go up to Jerusalem...
Matthew 22:19 Shew me the tribute money.
Matthew 23:23 Woe unto you...for you pay tithes of mint and anise and cumin,
Matthew 21:3 And if any man say ought unto you...
Matthew 22:44 The LORD said unto my Lord,
Matthew 15:32 I have compassion on the multitude,
Matthew 16:28 There be some standing here who shall not taste of death