Christ Speaking -- Matthew

This list shows the "spoken version" of each verse of Christ's words in Matthew. It adds interactions with audiences, pauses, and other interactions you would see in a spoken presentation. The word order follows the order of the original Greek much more closely than other English so that the humor works correctly, especially the punch lines. This work is being done as part of a new version capturing the Gospel of Matthew from a different perspective.
Matthew 6:23 But if your eye is evil,
Matthew 15:10 Hear, and understand
Matthew 16:10 Neither the seven loaves of the four thousand,
Matthew 6:21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
Matthew 6:24 No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate
Matthew 6:25 ...Take no thought for your life,
Matthew 8:4 See that you tell no one; but go your way,
Matthew 20:10 But when the first came,
Matthew 6:26 Behold the birds of the air:
Matthew 6:27 Which of you by worrying
Matthew 6:28 And why are you worried about clothing?...
Matthew 7:27 And the rain descended, and the floods came,
Matthew 6:5 And when you pray,
Matthew 7:7 Ask, and it shall be given to you;
Matthew 6:29...That even Solomon in all his glory
Matthew 7:9 Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread,
Matthew 6:32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things
Matthew 7:22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord,
Matthew 7:16 You shall know them by their fruits.
Matthew 8:12 But the children of the kingdom shall be cast out
Matthew 5:25 Agree with your adversary quickly,
Matthew 8:26 Why are you fearful,
Matthew 5:29 And if your right eye offend you,
Matthew 8:32 Go.
Matthew 8:11 ...That many shall come from the east
Matthew 6:6 But you, when you pray, enter into your closet,
Matthew 6:13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil:
Matthew 7:10 Or if he ask a fish,
Matthew 7:11 If you then, being evil,
Matthew 6:14 For if you forgive men their trespasses...
Matthew 7:12 Therefore all things whatsoever that you want
Matthew 6:16 Moreover when you fast,
Matthew 6:18 That you do not appear to men to fast,